”Don’t raise your kids to have more than what you had. Raise them to be more than what you were”- Jessica Valentin
This was the FaceBook status by a dear friend that inspired me to write this blog post. I wish more people thought like this.
How many times have you heard a parent say, ” I want my children to have more than what I had growing up.”? I bet more times than you count. This may seem like a loving and innocent comment and sure, what good parent wouldn’t want to give the world to their offspring? But unfortunately there is also a drawback to this. Let me explain. First with this picture.
Parents are moved by instinct to love, nurture, and provide for their offspring. Our children are a part of us and naturally we want them to be happy and without a care. The drawback is that in our quest to give them everything you didn’t have as a child, you may very well cross the line into spoiling your child.
Sure, buying your children things they want may seem to fill a hole in your heart but you need to reflect on the fact that you may be sub-consciously interfering with their evolutionary development. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, one of the best and most precious gifts you can give to you child/children is the ability to forge their true independence. By forging their own true independence they gain and become a fuller rounded person when they learn to earn what they covet and become captains of their own happiness.
Allow your children to live life as it was intended. Let them work and earn what they want.
Many parents dote, spoil and live vicariously through their kids because they believe that by doing that, they can heal their own emotional wounds. Emotional wounds perhaps caused from their own childhood or their current lives. Parents I know it may hurt but please get your own issues under control before you take it out on your kids, even if it’s by spoiling them. Your past is your past and if you need professional help or religious help to let go of your past, then do what needs to be done to feel whole again. You will be surprised at how taking care of your own needs and broken heart first will cause you raise well adjusted, kind, grateful, gracious and hardworking individuals.
You can’t turn the hands of time if you have been spoiling your kids BUT you can start TODAY; this very second.
Let your children know you love them and start teaching them that being a good human being is a prize in itself. Show them that a balance in life will bring them great joy; A joy a million times better than than getting every material possession they might covet.
Do you have any tips on raising thoughtful well adjusted children?
Growing Grateful Kids: Teaching Them to Appreciate an Extraordinary God in Ordinary Places (Hearts at Home Books… by Larson, Susie
Spoiling Childhood: How Well-Meaning Parents Are Giving Children Too Much – But Not What They Need[Paperback]
Diane Ehrensaft (Author)
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic [Paperback]
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime [Paperback]
- Do you let YOUR parents spoil YOUR children? (ukdadwithdaughters.co.uk)
- Today’s Youth and Technology: Spoiled Much? (daniellerene1288.wordpress.com)
- Wanting to give your kids more than you had – without spoiling them (nbclatino.com)
- Now That’s Spoiling Your Child … (mom.me)
- Your Brilliant Baby in Week 13: The Myth of Spoiling Baby (babyzone.com)
- Toddlers Surprisingly Good at Sharing (babyzone.com)